


Show Me a Real Good Time (I’d Rather Be Dry But At Least I’m Alive)

by sweeterthankarma



Series: Pride Month Prompts 2020 [14]
Category: One Day at a Time (TV 2017)
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Non-Binary Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Other, Panic Attacks, Pride Parades
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24723763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweeterthankarma/pseuds/sweeterthankarma
Summary: Elena’s never felt so good, so proud of who she is, never felt so united with others and like she was truly a part of something spectacular, something special. It’s beautiful, every moment of this celebration. Her gayness is beautiful. Syd’s gender non-conformity is beautiful. Everyone around her is beautiful. She’s never felt so hopeful, so empowered, so deserving of pride.
Relationships: Elena Alvarez/Syd
Series: Pride Month Prompts 2020 [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769956
Comments: 8
Kudos: 60





	Show Me a Real Good Time (I’d Rather Be Dry But At Least I’m Alive)

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month and welcome to my first ever month-long fic challenge! For thirty days, I'll be writing and posting LGBTQ+ fics inspired by the prompts listed [here](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/517562182177703635/). These fics will be anywhere from 100-1,500 words, will be for different fandoms, ships and characters, and will all stand alone. Here goes nothing!
> 
> Day 14 Prompt: Panic.
> 
> Title comes from the song "Rain on Me" by Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande, a gay anthem!

Pride is one of the most glorious things Elena’s experienced. She’s pretty sure she could compare it to the sublime, not that she’s ever experienced anything else akin to it, and she certainly doesn’t have plans to endure childbirth, however enlightening people claim it to be. Maybe this is what she’ll write her college essay on, how every soul searcher who roams the world to find tranquility and balance has been missing it the whole time: all they need to do is catch a plane to take part in Los Angeles’ annual pride parade. 

It’s the second consecutive June that Elena has spent with Syd but the first time she’s actually gone to the parade, taken part in the festivities and watched it unfold along Santa Monica Boulevard under the hot midday sun. They stand among herds of people embellished in the same rainbow hues as themselves, holding hands and kissing and squealing when the DJ plays a Hayley Kiyoko song. They take too many pictures, many of which will turn out blurry thanks to an overexcited hand, but Elena won’t be able to bring herself to delete them later. 

“It’s a perfect example of how I’m feeling,” Elena says to Syd, showing them the snapshots of hazy color and unidentifiable shapes on her phone screen when the parade hits a lull, thanks to a float getting stuck whilst trying to turn a corner. And it’s true— Elena’s never felt so good, so proud of who she is, never felt so united with others and like she was truly a part of something spectacular, something special. It’s beautiful, every moment of this celebration. Her gayness is beautiful. Syd’s gender non-conformity is beautiful. Everyone around her is beautiful. She’s never felt so hopeful, so empowered, so deserving of pride. 

Her heart thrums fast and eager and she feels alive. But then suddenly, just like that, her heart is the only thing she can feel. Beating, pounding, vibrating in her chest that suddenly feels too weak to breathe for her, to get enough air into her lungs to  _ keep  _ her alive. She wavers on her feet, unsteady, and almost drops her phone, palms sweaty and shaking. She’s too hot, sweating through her tank top, and she’s acutely aware of how she hasn’t drank enough water, which leads her to think for a brief and horrifying second that she’s going to pass out or maybe throw up on the person in front of her, a kid maybe half her age wearing a rainbow embroidered Dodgers hat. She isn’t sure which would be worse.

Elena doesn’t know if she says Syd’s name, if she gets any words out at all. The next float passes by, playing EDM music so loud Elena feels her bones shake. The wheels carry it both too fast and too slow at once, making Elena dizzy, while Syd watches it with their eyes just as bright as Elena’s had been mere moments before. The staff on the float toss goodies to the crowd, necklaces and stickers and silicone wallets to stick onto the back of your phone case, all branded with some corporation’s logo that doesn’t give a second thought to queer people when it isn’t the month of June, but Elena doesn’t have the power to be mad about that right now. She doesn’t have the power to do anything but wrap her hand around Syd’s forearm and tear away for the nearest air conditioned building, a bank that feels a million steps away. 

Syd follows dutifully, no questions asked, and sprints alongside Elena the whole way. They crouch beside her once they get inside and to a bench, Elena tipping her head between her knees the moment the backs of her thighs meet the seat. She hears her mother’s advice repeating in her mind and she does her best to follow it, to breathe deeply and thoroughly, in through her nose and out through her mouth until she brings herself back to her center. It takes longer than it typically does — and Elena knows that panic attacks aren’t an exacting science and if she could will one away so easily, she never would have had it in the first place— but  hot, frustrated tears streak down her cheeks all the same. Syd holds her hand, doesn’t mind how iron tight Elena’s grip is, and they kiss Elena’s head, her cheeks, anywhere they can reach, though they’re careful not to overstimulate her. 

“You’re okay, I got you, you’re safe, everything’s okay,” Syd tells her as many times as she needs to hear it, voice hushed and sweet and sympathetic but never close to pitiful, never even remotely apologetic. They’ve been through this before, together and apart, and neither of them are strangers to anxiety. Elena dares herself to tip her head back up, to meet Syd’s eyes and mouth an almost silent “thank you.”

“Do you want water?” Syd asks. “Food?” 

Elena nods, knowing she needs it, but doesn’t let go of Syd’s hand. “In a minute,” she says, and focuses on the patterned colors painted on Syd’s nails, lined unsymmetrically on each finger. Yellow, white, purple, black, the non-binary pride flag. Yellow, white, purple, black.  _ Yellowwhitepurpleblack.  _

“Okay,” Elena takes in another deep breath and this time it doesn’t feel so hard to do. If anything, it feels cleansing, maybe better than before she’d even gotten anxious. She’s okay. She’s making it through. She  _ can  _ make it through this. Syd is right, everything is okay. She’s okay. 

She finds the strength to lean back against the wall and look to her left, past the freshly cleaned windows of the otherwise empty bank lobby and take in the sights of the parade still going strong outside. She sees flags she recognizes, queer band t-shirts, and faintly hears the chorus to the new Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande collaboration. Mobs of people move beyond the glass but their presence doesn’t seem as overwhelming as it did back when she was surrounded by them. If anything, she finds familiarity and solace in it. Elena doesn’t know how much time has passed — maybe twenty, thirty minutes?— but she feels remarkably better than she did before. 

She doesn’t apologize to Syd for making them miss part of the parade and take care of her. She knows by now that she doesn’t need to, that Syd would do anything and everything in their power to make Elena feel okay, just as she would do the same for them. 

“Can we get churros?” Elena asks when Syd brings her to her feet and envelops her in a long, close hug. “Do they have those here?”

Her voice is a little hoarse from hyperventilating but Syd looks at her and smiles, like they find it cute. They kiss her nose and then her forehead, and then guide Elena back outside, keeping her close to their side. 

“I’m sure they do, and you can get anything and everything you want. I’ve got you.”

Elena smiles. She knows they do.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi and celebrate pride month with me on Tumblr [here.](https://sweeterthankarma.tumblr.com/)


End file.
